Still lost

It’s a down day.
I’m sick, and maybe that’s why I’m feeling so low, but I can’t get past the feeling that my ‘Other Life’ is never going to be a replacement for real love. I can make myself deal with the worries and I can plan for highs which lift me for a while, but I cannot forget him, however hard I try. I can push at the boundaries and experience new things, but I can’t have him back.
I meet lots of people, but none of them are him. None of them make me live my life in glorious technicolour, none of them can hold my hand and drive away my demons. I want to talk to him, so much, but I don’t know that I should, and I don’t know how I would.
Right now I am being played; I can see this even through my fever induced daze. But chances are I’ve been being played for years. It is just too easy. I’d like to believe he told me the truth but, with every passing day, it seems less likely.
He broke his promise. Why isn’t that enough for me to hate him?

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