I can be glad that this world is full of wonderful things. Glad to watch the sun set as I walk along a beach, glad to listen to the birds as I sit in the park, glad to look up into a clear night sky and see the stars.
I can be glad that there are people who care.
“Remember there are people who love you, not for what you can do for them, or what they can get from you, but people who love you just for being you… Take a break if you need it and don’t be down on yourself if you can’t face something… I’ll keep my phone on and you can call any time of the day or night…”
“If I could swap places with you and take your pain, I would, in a heartbeat… Try and talk to me, no promises, just try, because I love you and I can’t have a world without you.”
“Chin up, sweetheart. Everything will be easier as the days go by. I’m thinking about you, remember you’re not alone in this… It’s a tough road you have to travel, one step at a time. If you feel you’re falling behind, call me.”
“Grit your teeth and take the time to find your strength. When you do, and you will, use it to hold your head high and look into the face of every single person who fucked you over. Hold their gaze and show them that you are by far the better person. Because there is no doubt that you are.”
You people… you know who you are… I am so grateful to have your support, your gestures, your shoulders to cry on. I will need you, most of all to keep reminding me that trust is a good thing and that I can come out of this without losing everything I believe in.
I have been worrying about my children. I have been hating that they see the state I’m in and don’t understand it… But I can be glad that they offer me their hugs as they tell me, “We don’t know why you’re sad… but whatever it is, you’ll be ok. We’ll be ok. We love you.”
I love them back, unconditionally. They are wonderful young people, and they make me proud.
And I can be glad that I am ‘the one that got away’. I can be glad that, however awful things are now, I got to see the real personalities behind the facades before things were so much worse.
So. I have played the Glad Game again and come up trumps. I played it quickly, because I know that the bad times are not over yet. Chances are I will wake up in the morning and cry again, but these words will still be here as a reminder that all is not lost. And maybe, just maybe, I will find another reason to be glad.