1) The tendency to seek distraction from unpleasant realities by seeking entertainment
2) An inclination to or habit of retreating, through diversion or fantasy
“We all try to escape pain and death, while we seek what is pleasant.” – Albert Einstein
Of course we do… a normal, human reaction, surely. So why do people look at me with a frown or shake their head when I say I want to hide, or I want to run? I’m just doing what I need to do and, usually, it is necessary. It’s not forever, after all…
My escapism takes different forms. Some days I will shut myself away in my room and stick my head under a pillow, and pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist. I can’t do that forever, and I know it doesn’t solve anything, but it buys me some time to restore enough energy to begin again. It also gives me the space I need to think things through before I try to explain how I feel, and that has to be a good thing… Nothing worse than saying something you don’t quite mean and being unable to take it back.
Some days, I put on a smile and a stupid accent and I go a little crazy. I have friends and family who will throw it right back at me and make me laugh out loud and, for a while, I can ignore the hard things and feel a little more normal. If I can have normal days (or insane ones) then there is hope, right?
Other days I get in my car and drive. The coast still comes top of my list for a day of escapism, even in the wind and rain, and my need to escape took me there again today, with good company. So I ran, sure, quite a few miles… but I worked some things out, with a little help. It is a wonderful thing to talk to someone who understands, someone who can say, yes, I’ve been there before, you don’t need to explain. Talking to someone who can see things from the outside rather than someone whose life is so emotionally intertwined with my own has made a difference, and helped work out kinks in those emotional relationships. I’ve travelled a distance in more ways than one this afternoon and got some things out of my system and for this, I am glad.
I’m back in the real world for now, and ready to sleep; I’m ready to see what another day will bring. I’m planning my next big escape though and, this time round, I’m going for living fantasy all the way…