I woke up with a clear head this morning, for the first time in a week. It was one of those mornings when you wake up feeling good, you look forward to work, you’re glad to be you. It didn’t last… I got stuck in traffic, I left important things at home and, before I knew it things went from bad to worse and I welled up in front of a few of the teenagers I teach. Not good enough.
Time to pull myself together, I thought, and sat down at my desk with a coffee to think of my reasons to be glad. My list went like this:
1) My children. Always top of the list, sometimes infuriating, but often full of ways to put a smile on my face. They are good children, smart children, caring children. They remind me that, while I often feel I’m getting things wrong, I must have done something right.
2) Other people’s children. I have a job where I get to work with teenagers all day and although I know that this is some peoples idea of a living nightmare, I do love it. On top of my job, today is the day I get to pick up my sister’s wonderful son and daughter. They will make me giggle and keep me occupied and show me joy, as they never fail to do.
3) My amazing, supportive friends. People that are always there when I need them, whatever it is I need them for.
Yes, I think, time to lean a little… I pick up my phone and I talk to a friend. She asks the right questions and clears my thoughts, and is blunt and honest and to the point. Just what I need to give me the strength to work through the headache.
As anticipated, the children make me smile and I am content… until the next kick, anyway. I’m feeling down and I’m feeling hurt, and I’m wondering where I went wrong this time.
The Glad Game again… I call the queen of Glad, who is happy to help me compile my list (even if it does now have things like, ‘I know all the words to Psycho Sexy’ and ‘I drink late night coffee with the cutest multilingual lesbian’ on it) and I feel a little stronger again. I log into my facebook a little later on, and I find some words there that make me cry with grateful knowledge of understanding. I’m going to bed now, with these words the last thing in my mind, and tomorrow will be a better day.
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”
“Remember you are beautiful and good. Remember that, when you smile, a million people smile with you. Forget the people who try to take your smile away because they don’t deserve to see it. And only ever cry for those of us that would cry with you. Kurt and I share wiseness :)”
(The cutest multilingual lesbian)