Pieces

Jigsaw

A jigsaw with pieces that don’t fit together.

Puzzling, pondering, wondering whether

I’ve lost one or two of the essential parts

And I’m stuck. Taking it back to the start

So it seems… but some things don’t reverse,

This rearranging is making it worse.

Still thinking, considering, reasoning now

Am I skewing it? Warping? Distorting somehow?

Trying to rebuild it a different way;

It’s just getting worse, it’s all crumbling away.

I can’t fill this hole, it’s a ‘whole’ I can’t find

And I’ve just realised why; these pieces aren’t mine.

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I’m Glad

Over and over I think to myself, ‘It’s not the same without you. Life is so much emptier .’ So many times I’ve missed you, wished for your presence, longed to have what I had before.

But, until now, I’ve never considered how glad I am that you don’t see me now. I am relieved that I haven’t had the chance to let you down. I am so grateful that you haven’t watched me drown.

In your head, I hope I am still someone else. But you have no idea how much that thought depresses me.

Strength

It isn’t the way that you scream and lash out,

It isn’t the way that you stamp and you shout,

It isn’t about all the noise that you make,

If I’m honest that tells me you’re some kind of fake.

The thing that we talk about comes from within,

Down deep inside buried under your skin.

You don’t hear me stutter, just see external calm,

You notice my grace, I extend you my palm.

My strength is there hiding, a ninja like silence,

I’ll help you to rise, stand tall, offer my guidance.

My strength is serenity, patience and style,

I’ll weather your storm while I’m wearing a smile.

If

If wishes

Were fishes

They’d jump out of water

And drown

In the air

Making nonsense

Of order

If wishes

Were misses

Too near not to notice

They’d laugh

And distract

Losing all sense of focus

If wishes

Were dishes

They’d be empty but laid

Quite useless

And pointless

An unsharpened blade

 

Not Afraid

I’m not afraid of letting go, I’m not too scared to try,

I’m not jumping at shadows, not ashamed they saw me cry.

I’m not too spooked to close my eyes, I’m not afraid to dream,

I’m not convinced my world will end in secret, silent screams.

I’m not concerned that things have changed; the world I knew’s not gone,

I’m not afraid to feel again, not alarmed at moving on.

I’m not afraid to see his face, or walk with head held high,

I found my confidence, my truth; I found my reason why.

 

For Michael, with thanks… I’m truly not afraid.